Red-eyed demons and screeching banshees are foreboding for sure, but oftentimes we humans do just fine with no help from creatures beyond the grave. Scaring the pants off ourselves is one of our defining characteristics. In time for Halloween, here’s a Progress list tallying some of the scariest persons, things or events of 2009 in no particular order. If alone while reading this, you may want to turn on an extra light.
1. Jasper City Councilman Greg Burgess’ campaign photo - Burgess, up for reelection next Tuesday, gave us a photograph of himself performing in full Elvis garb for use alongside his bio and political platform in this newspaper. While we’re thrilled Burgess keeps a sense of humor where it comes to politics, we are slightly terrified by the notion a white jumpsuit and pompadour may actually increase his chances of winning.
2. September floods – Weeks of recurring downpours transformed the soothing, healing sound of rain into Chinese water torture. Floods aren’t something you should have to worry about around here. To really make your hair stand on end, try looking in your basement and seeing how much water has crept in––holy Creature from the Black Lagoon!
3. 2009 tax bills – Shrill cries and moans of agony echoed across the county as residents opened mailboxes last month. Not only was our state homestead exemption snatched away, but the county and school system raised tax millage rates this year. Want to try for a reappraisal in the tanked real estate market? Too bad. Our chief tax appraiser reports Pickens County property values have not decreased as elsewhere across the nation. That sign post up ahead––you’re intering the Twilight Zone.
4. The Falcon’s locker room just after last weekend’s Dallas defeat.
5. Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize – We are certainly excited over President Obama’s diplomacy efforts, and we do feel he has mended some international relationships, but blatant politicizing of the Nobel Peace Prize calls all other prizes into question. How dare you make us doubt Mother Theresa, you presumptuous Norwegian Nobel Committee you!
6. The “CAC” acronym – The Citizens Advisory Committee on Commission Structure, also known as “The CAC,” (pronounced ‘kak’) has been meeting since April, trying to hatch a multi-person commission in Pickens. Until earlier this year, the Courthouse Advisory Committee met too and also occasionally saw the CAC abbreviation applied. We find it unsettling when CAC members (courthouse or commission) don’t seem to notice the obnoxious sound of their acronym, particularly when pronounced as it might be in Cleveland––Ohio, that is.
7. Apple houses during the Ellijay Apple Festival – Sure, the apple butter and fresh apple cider donuts are delectable, but are they worth risking a Saturday trampling by mad metro-ites scrambling for something to take back to the city?
8. Pervasiveness of amateur singing and dancing shows– We’re not above some good old brain-dead television every now and again (a little Top Chef here, a little American Idol there), but the overwhelming and ever increasing success of dance and singing competitions makes us seriously question our nation’s priorities, its sanity even.
9. Balloon boy costume craze - In a matter of days following the balloon boy hoax that captured the nation’s attention, Plantraco Microflight has created and mass produced balloon boy costumes, available for just $19.99 on their website. The costume is expected to be “a big hit this season,” according to a recent news article.
10. Jones and Weaver working together - Incidents have been few and far between, but Commissioner Robert Jones and Jasper Mayor John Weaver actually cooperated on some small paving projects and a handful of joint proclamations in 2009. If these two, butting heads for years, can now agree even on minor issues, something diabolical must be at hand.
––As always the Progress wishes you a fun, but safe, Halloween. |
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