The hardest thing to deal with is your own virtue.
Why? Because you can’t discuss it without sounding pompous.
A friend who makes bumper stickers offered to customize one for me. Here’s what it says: You’re A Good Person – Deal With It.
As we study our vices, must we not likewise examine our virtues? But it’s tricky.
Announce that you’re a flawed human being and everybody understands. (If your flaw has panache, Dr. Phil will vie to humiliate you before a studio audience in the name of therapy.)
On the other hand, try announcing that you’re a person of virtue. See what happens.
The irony is that in fact you are a person of virtue, but you can’t say it without sounding like, you’ll forgive the expression, a jerk.
So how does one deal with one’s own goodness objectively, as truth demands? A few ideas:
1. Don’t minimize or wave off the compliments you receive. You’ve inspired someone, and with the praise comes the burden of living up to it.
2. Remember that for the best stuff you do, there are no awards. You’ll never get a plaque saying your did the right thing in a gritty, obscure moment. Character is not how you behave on the dais when you’re being lionized; it’s how you behave on the way to the ceremony.
3. Self-deprecation effectively supplants bragging. Charlton Heston once queried Lawrence Olivier for advice on handling bad notices. Said Olivier, “Old boy it’s not the bad ones that get you; it’s the good ones.” Certainly more revealing than some platitude like “I’ve always tried to live a principled life.” You don’t have to say that. They’ll know.
4. When adversity comes, or even when it doesn’t, draw strength from your virtue. Just don’t tell anybody you’re doing it.
Actually the bumper sticker (You’re A Good Person – Deal With It) isn’t on my car. It seems glib. But the thing is, you are a good person. And that fact warrants as much discussion as your flaws.
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