A parent recently told us his child was very
distraught when a friend told him there was
no God.
The friend’s father is, as you could have
guessed, an atheist.
The parent of the distraught child attends
church.
Like most children, these kids are minia-
ture versions of their parents - at least as far
as religion is concerned. It can hardly be
expected, however, that elementary-aged
children are spiritually mature enough that
the beliefs they pitch as their own between
guzzles of chocolate milk and games of paper
football are anything they’ve spent a great
deal of time pondering. They’re trying beliefs
on for size.
The majority of parents
realize on some level that their
children (even teenaged chil-
dren) are simply masquerading
around in the worldview that
was taught to them. Parents
with strong religious affilia-
tions are just hoping those
beliefs will find some staying
power in the long run.
According to a report by the
Pew Forum on Religion and
Public Life, there is an increas-
ing chance taught beliefs
won’t “stick” and children will find religious
truth in other places than their parents’ faith,
even if that crossover is to nothing more than
a minute variation on their upbringing.
Of the 35,556 adults surveyed in 2007,
more than one in four U.S. adults (28 percent
to be exact) said they converted from the
major religion in which they were raised.
When taking into account conversions from
one Protestant denomination to another or
from one unaffiliated population to another,
the number soars to 44 percent.
Naturally (and rightly) parents who feel
they have discovered a spiritual or non-spiri-
tual wisdom about this universe want to pass
that wisdom on to their children, but religion
isn’t a hereditary trait like freckles or bash-
fulness, and parents shouldn’t force it to the
point that children feel pressured to believe.
Religion (or lack of religion) is a choice, per-
haps the most important choice one can
make, and parents with strong belief systems
should give their children some breathing
room to explore, ask questions and express
doubt.
It would be wrong to pressure children or
teenagers to express a devotion to God they
may not feel. Pressuring children to make
ridiculous promises to God they may not live
up to is wrong. Expecting that our children
will adopt a worldview identical to our own is
misguided.
It would be interesting to know how many
parents fudge their way through their chil-
dren’s “Big Questions,” such as “What hap-
pens when I die?” or “What is God?” ––in
effect passing off the worldview that was
handed to them, though they may no longer
believe it themselves.
Philosopher Jean-Jacques
Rousseau said in his book On
Education, "If you begin to
teach the opinions of other peo-
ple before you teach how to
judge of their worth, of one
thing you may be sure, your
pupil will adopt those opinions
whatever you may do, and you
will not succeed in uprooting
them. I am therefore convinced
that to make a young person
judge rightly, you must form his
judgment rather than teach him
your own."
Our children are being reared in an age of
information and cultural integration where
diversity in religion, sexuality, language, gen-
der roles and class are increasing rapidly.
Answers to their questions about faith, reli-
gion and spirituality can easily be addressed
by people from a wide range of backgrounds,
and this influx of opinion can be frightening
to both children and parents.
But as mentors, we can honor our own
beliefs, ask our own questions and express
our own doubt regarding our spiritual path,
and – most importantly – we can share them
all with our children.
Parents don’t always need to have the
answers. Our role is to help our children build
an ethical foundation on which they will
develop into responsible and empathetic
adults capable of making their own conclu-
sions about God. And we need to be prepared
for them to choose a path that isn’t our own.
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