Meth affects us all Part 3
Recovering meth addict determined to help other users quit
Community needs to fight "plague" of meth in Pickens County

Recovering methamphetamine addict Ricky Dean voluntarily entered rehabilitation when he was able to see where his drug use was taking him and his family.
Actually, his decision to begin counseling came only after months of knowing the control meth was taking over his life, and agonizing over how to quit as he initially tried to do it on his own. Recognizing the destruction his addiction was causing, Dean continued to use the addictive substance because he did not know where to get help.
"That's what this drug will do to you," said Dean. "It takes over your mind, telling you to do one thing when you know you should do another. It keeps pulling you back, away from everything that's important."
Now, Dean has made vast changes in his lifestyle and relied increasingly on his faith in God to continue his recovery, which will last the rest of his life.
In a recent interview, Dean said it is "hard to explain where this drug puts a person unless you've been there." But he went into as much detail as he could find words for when discussing the consequences his year of meth use had on him and those around him.
Dean, 38, and his former wife are now divorced because of his addiction. His parents could not trust him when he was using drugs, and even changed the locks on their doors. His financial debts piled up Whenever he had extra cash he spent it on meth, neglecting some months to make his truck payment.
"The drug makes you think everything's okay," he said.
He stopped going to church, and the morals instilled in him by his upbringing were "thrown out the window."
His two sons were forced to be surrounded by his addiction, and coworkers at Lockheed in Marietta were afraid to work around him.
"I was right on the edge of snapping," said Dean, adding he likely would have been fired had he missed one more day of work.
To this day, Dean said he can no longer play video games or go deer hunting, one of his favorite pastimes, because he "can't sit still;" and since meth takes over the dopamine, or pleasure receptors in the brain, "the only thing that makes [an addict] happy is the drug," he said.
He was paranoid and had set up surveillance cameras at his residence to keep anyone -- not just the law -- from catching him using drugs. "You'll think everybody's trying to get you," he said.
Meth use even made Dean see flashing lights and other hallucinations, and he said he was "alienated from everybody."
"I went from having a wife and parents that loved me, kids that understood me and that I spent time with, to just myself," Dean said.
Finally he checked into rehab at a treatment center in Atlanta. He still sees a drug counselor once a week and regularly attends Narcotics Anonymous meetings.
As of January 6, Dean has been clean for four months.
Striving to meet his obligation under the Twelve Steps to help other addicts quit using drugs, Dean volunteers with Pickens County Family Connection where he is on an anti-drug subcommittee.
Hoping to one day become fully licensed as a drug counselor, Dean is certified in treating withdrawal and de-tox. He is working on his family and adolescent treatment certification.
He also speaks to groups, churches and individuals about his experience with meth, one he does not wish to see repeated by anyone else.
"I've put a lot of people through hell," Dean said. "And I hope nobody's family has to go through what I put my family through."
Following the Twelve Steps program, Dean, who has lived in Pickens County his whole life, is in the process of correcting as many of his past, drug-induced mistakes as he can.
"I'm 38 years old and I've got to start my whole life over," he said.
He has moved into the basement of his parents' home, but with specific rules: they control his finances, and he tells them where he is going every time he leaves.
"I have to build back their faith and trust in me, because I tore it all down. And it takes time to build that back," Dean said.
He has cut off all contact with people he used to do drugs with, even with some he went to school with since Kindergarten.
Dean has also started back on an exercise regimen, consisting of running and lifting weights. He has changed his diet, eating only healthy food and drinking only water and juice.
"I go to church every Sunday, and I go to Sunday school," Dean added, and he has paid back all his debts. He said he still takes his two sons, age 11 and 16, hunting, and is helping them make the transition back to the way things were before Dean was using drugs.
He still works at Lockheed, where he has been employed for three years.
Unlike most addicts, Dean saw what his drug use was doing to him before he was arrested or charged for any criminal offense. (Though he said he "wasn't far from that spot.")
Thus, he avoided the mandatory treatment and monitoring of drug court, a program for those who have been convicted for drug-related crimes.
Dean, who used meth for about a year, said he knew for some time that he needed to quit before he actually did.
However, he said the drug was so addictive, and he was so clueless as to where or what kind of help to get, that he couldn't stop using meth. Trying on his own to quit, he said he even successfully stopped for weeks or even months at a time, but each time resumed his drug use.
"I wanted to be around the people that cared about me, but the drug was pulling me away from it," said Dean. "The more I fought it, the worse I got. I hated myself, and what I had become. When I would lie down to go to bed at night, I would be so mad at myself because I could not quit."
He said he reached such a low point, that he was ready to get help, "no matter what it took to get it." At one point, he even prayed that he would be caught by law enforcement authorities, forcing him into treatment.
Before finally getting professional counseling and the help of people around him, Dean did not understand the effect of the drugs on the brain and body, and why meth is so physically addictive.
"When I was on this drug, I wasn't in a state of mind to go look for help, because you don't have a clue what kind of help you need," he explained.
While using meth, he had also forgotten a basic lesson that addicts in recovery know as the first of the Twelve Steps -- "that you are powerless, and can't defeat this drug by yourself," Dean said.
Now he is eager to pass on to others what he has learned in his four months of counseling. He says because of that new knowledge, and with help from God, he has not had a single urge to use meth since he started rehab.
For example, the exercise and changes in diet he has made are designed to get more oxygen back to the brain. Doing that helps some of the damaged brain cells regrow, and reduces the occurrence of urges.
"All your nutrition has been depleted because of the drugs. You have to bring your body back to the health that you have robbed it of," said Dean.
A recovering addict has to occupy himself with a routine that satisfies the mind and the body, as well as their spiritual well-being, Dean said.
Besides being involved with the "wrong crowd, at the wrong place and the wrong time," Dean said he initially started using meth, a heavy stimulant, to get more work and chores done. But now, he has more energy than when he was on the drug. "And I feel a lot better," he added.
Dean's spiritual exercise consists not only of a conscious effort to thank God. He also plans to devote much of the rest of his life to helping other addicts understand what he has come to realize.
"I'm ashamed of what I've done to myself and to my family. But if I take what I know and do nothing with it, then I see more shame in that than in what I did when I was on drugs," he said.
If meth-related activity in Pickens County is still as widespread as it was just over four months ago, when Dean was personally a part of the problem, then he has a stern warning.
"I know how bad this is, and I know how bad it is spreading. It's a plague, and if people don't open their eyes to this, it's going to take over. And people are going to regret it," said Dean. "We need to step up as a community, and help the people that need help."
Dean says he is happy now. And even though he believes he will never be able to repair the damaged relationship with his ex-wife, he reserves "special thanks" for her, as well as for his parents and his "two wonderful sons."
Despite being clean of drug use, he considers himself an addict for the rest of his life, and he will have to continue to work the Twelve Steps every day.
But it's worth it, he said, because he has become closer to his parents, his sister and his children. And he is eager to help other addicts shed their habits.
"I know what I need to do for God. He put me in this place, He knew that I needed to be out trying to help people who want to be off this drug," said Dean.
An added incentive Dean has to stay sober is preserving the trust he has earned from people in the community who have supported his rehabilitation, he said. These include Amelia McIntyre and Denise Duncan of Family Connection, and Judge Brenda Weaver of the Appalachian Judicial Circuit, whom he also thanks.
Dean said he is personally available to help anyone who wants to quit their meth use. He said he can be contacted through Family Connection.
[Previous articles in the "Meth Affects Us All" series are available on www.pickensprogress.com.]